Pretending
by HopeLivesInDreams
Summary: Gibbs pretends their current case does not affect him, Tony pretends he's over the women, who hurt him the most. So how come Gibbs finds Tony in his living room, drunk and hurt? Will they stop pretending or will their suppressed emotions get the worst of them? - No love, just friendship. Rated M for safety. -
1. Chapter 1

Anthony DiNozzo was many things: overly intelligent, handsome, witty, trustworthy and maintained with the ability of always finding ways to defuse heated situations. He remembered way back in the corner of his mind that the late Mrs. Mallard called him "a tough cookie" once in one of her brighter moments. He didn't felt so tough right now; he actually didn't felt like any of those attributes and he was quite sure he would've never signed them either.

It was a warm, shallow night, and he just made it down from the office. He had worked longer, not knowing where to go anyway and unwilling to give Gibbs another excuse to bark at him like a maniac. It wasn't like he wasn't used to it, but still, sometimes Gibbs' words managed to force their way through Tony's usual cockiness and pierce him, sting him when he least expected, least needed it.

_Anthony, you're a wuzz_ He shrugged his shoulder, than turning down the engine of his car, suddenly being surrounded by total silence and darkness, both giving way to demons he thought he left in his closet at home.

He tilted his head, resting the back of it on the car seat and closing his eyes for a second. Why the hell was he even here? He was _supposed_ to be at home, watching another Magnum Marathon, stuffing himself with cheaply ordered Pizza, reminiscing about the hot dates he's going to have on the weekend. Yeah, that's really what DiNozzo's are supposed to do after work.

Work, yeah, that's what it was. Tony moved uncomfortably, still wearing his seatbelt which he loosened now, somehow hating the feeling of being secured. Gibbs really had lived up to his second B today.

Sure, they had a tough case, but didn't they always. Sure it didn't help that a Marine's wife was murdered while he was overseas, on combat in Iraq. Tony always knew that cases, where the victims where women or children always hit close to home for Gibbs, and he didn't judge the former marine for that, but still. It wasn't like this was their first case. But then again, it wasn't like Gibbs acted all bastard the first time either.

_Tony furiously tipped into his computer, desperate to try and find something that would help them find the marine's wife's killer before he would return from Iraq. Tony knew it must only be a little comfort, if any at all but it was all they could do and they would do the best they could. _

_But like today, sometimes good was simply not good enough. _

_"DiNozzo!" Tony jumped up, guilt in his face. _

_"Sorry Boss, nothing striking in Jenson's background. I –"_

_"Then check his wife, daughter, damn even former girlfriends or employees."_

_"Already done, Boss. Nothing their either. Wife and daughter cleared, two former girlfriends, long time ago though, didn't seem to be much of a player, rather onesided if you ask me –" Gibbs' famous stare hit him. "Uhm, you didn't ask, right. Still, only been employed by the marine core, since 6 years now, spent two of them in Iraq."_

_"And?", Gibbs wasn't willing to let go. _

_"I fear that's all, Boss."_

_"You fear?" Gibbs paced towards Tony's desk, leaning close towards his Senior Field Agent, his voice lowered to a bare whisper, the anger nonetheless audible. "You _fear_? So when that marine's arriving here tomorrow all you gonna give him is an "I fear"? That the reason I employed you? To excuse yourself?" _

_Gibbs wheeled around, looking at the empty desks of his other team members. _

_"McGee's down at MTEC, on the wire with Commander Johnson's superior, searching his entire marine background and looking for possible motives someone had to kill his wife. Ziva's at their house, staying with the aunt and their daughter, protecting both.", Tony reported. _

_Gibbs noted, giving Tony one last glance before starting to head out. "At least someone's doing their god-damn job."_

_"Don't pretend, Gibbs", Tony snorted to himself, bending down to order the papers Gibbs had messed up while leaning on his desk when bossing. He knew Gibbs long enough to see through his anger, at least when it was as obvious as today. But despite of Tony's ongoing mocking that Gibbs was an old man, his hearing never lacked any of its perfection. He stopped dead in his tracks. _

_"You said something DiNozzo", he growled. _

_Tony bite his tongue. "Uh… no… guess not, Boss."_

_"You don't GUESS, DiNozzo". Gibbs walked right up to him, looking furious now. "Elevator, now", he whispered through clenched teeth and Tony knew he should've just shut up. But on the other hand, Gibbs was an asshole today and at least still thoughtful enough to lecture Tony in the seclusion of the elevator and not in front of everyone else still in the bullpen. _

_"NOW, DiNozzo". Tony was never able to refuse a strict order. _

_Gibbs was silent, even when the elevator door had closed with a small sound and it began moving downwards. _

_"Mmh, Boss I'm… sorry…", Tony began, not sure what to say. _

_Gibbs hit the emergency stop. _

_"What did you say, DiNozzo", his voice still dangerously low and calm. _

_"Nothing, really, Boss, just –" Tony knew it was sheer impossible to lie to Gibbs, he somehow always knew. "Just know the reason you're so strain today and totally understand."_

_"So now you know me, DiNozzo. Good boy", he smiled in sarcasm, something Tony wasn't used to. _

_"Nah, wouldn't go that far", Tony began, hoping to somehow still get out of this elevator alive "Just about your family and that Johnson goes through the same, possibly… Just saying that I still have your back, Boss" He spoke braver than he actually felt. Gibbs was unpredictable in moments like this, when his flesh lay raw. _

_"Too bad I have to tell little golden boy that he's wrong", Gibbs said, anger rising in his voice. "Shannon and Kelly are none of your business, and they are none of this case. This is a commander who lost his wife and a special agent who is too incompetent to find clues that will lead to her killer. God, DiNozzo, keep your private issues at home, like I do it with mine. I am fed up with your women and if they keep on affecting your worklife, I'm gonna kick you out, for real this time."_

_"Boss, there-" _

_"I've seen that new picture on your board, DiNozzo."_

_"Boss she's-"_

_"I don't care". Gibbs leant forward, towards Tony who felt captured in the corner of the elevator. "I don't care about her, I don't care about you. All I care about is that this job gets done and if you don't feel like doing so, feel free do go home."_

_Tony gulped. "You're – you're not seriously kicking me out, are you?"_

_"Pretty damn close DiNozzo. If you prove being worthless to that case-" Gibbs left his threat unfinished but Tony got the notion of it. Gibbs unhooked the emergency stop and the doors opened in the basement. _

_"I'll go through Commander Johnson's life again, until I dig something up", Tony said, managing to banish the upcoming shiver from his voice. _

_"I don't care", Gibbs answered, making his way to autopsy, while the elevator doors closed once more, leaving a very confused and for once speechless Tony behind._

Tony sighed and slowly opened his eyes. He hadn't seen Gibbs then, but by now he swore the man must've been home. It was 1am, and the office abandoned since eleven. McGee had shot through after finishing his interview with Johnson's supervisor, quickly gathering his stuff and wishing Tony a good night. It wasn't as if he hadn't tried, god he really had, but the commander's background was clear. And Tony was pissed. His anger had time to boil. Sitting alone in the bullpen, seeing Gibbs' empty desk, the picture of all the marine's lost, the picture of Shannon and Kelly secretly tucked inside his drawer, as if to hide the bare proof that he was hurt. He really was pretending. Tony knew it and Gibbs shouting at him for the bare truth ignited his anger even more. He really was doing his job, wasn't he? He did overtime more than anybody else, went home for sleeping and showering, if at all, since those things could also be handled at work. He hasn't watched a movie in weeks, despite what everyone might be thinking, if they thought about him at all. Hell, he didn't even had a good fuck in a while, yet a relationship, and he hadn't seen the women in the picture, Gibbs had noticed earlier since 30 years, to the day. He was fed up, maybe, if he was suck a fuck-up, maybe he should've really confront Gibbs with quitting his job, just to see if his boss really didn't care. Wouldn't surprise Tony if he didn't, but if he did, because he did a good job, not because he was such a great character, Tony would feel a little bit better than he did right now. Now he was pure rage and agony. He stood up, grabbed his keys and took the elevator down the parking lot.

Reminiscing the events of the day, Tony's anger rose again, hotter and more desperate than before. He left his car, before changing his mind, crossed the lawn that led to Gibbs' house and opened the door, which was unlocked, as usual. Darkness greeted him and after a quick look around, it was clear Gibbs' wasn't at home. For some reason this made Tony even more furious. Was his boss on one of his "I'm the hero that doesn't need back-up"-Trips again? Or maybe he had visited Mike's family and then stopped at a bar afterwards, drowning the sorrow over his lost friends. _That's what you should've done, Anthony. Get hammered and give Gibbs a reasonable excuse to kick you out in the morning_. He really should have.

But then again, it wasn't as if Gibbs didn't had any liquor in the house. And he could wait for his boss to come home and maybe then confront him with all the things he'd never dared to speak out loud before.

Gibbs stepped into his hallway glad to finally be home. It was too late to work on the boat tonight, not that he cared about getting a lot of sleep normally, but this case was different. The commander would arrive tomorrow and Gibbs somehow regarded it his duty to accompany and question him. It wouldn't be a pleasant day that was for sure. He managed to hold back a yawn, then turned on the light in his living room, standing dead at the sight in front of him.


	2. Chapter 2

First of all, thank you everyone for your kind reviews, I really appreciate them and made a little dance in my room when I received them. So surprised. This is my first fanfiction and I am not a native speaker of English, so let me know when the language goes too astray

But now: Chapter Two. I hope you enjoy.

Tony was spread over the couch, his shirt loosened from the belt he usually kept it tugged in, his hair ruffled and patches of dried liquid on his clothes. He was awake, however not willing to move for he feared that might just cost him the content of his stomach. His eyes were closed, but moved uneasy. He knew where Gibbs kept the Bourbon and the beer, and he knew that drinking both was a deadly combination. He managed to down three bears, before indulging the bourbon, nearly emptying the entire bottle. God, that was just what he needed. He had turned the lights off after a while, not being fond of the brightness of Gibbs' reading lamp and somehow enjoying the darkness now. He'd started giggling sometime, thinking about how Gibbs would react when he came home and then again his sub-consciousness somehow managed to tell him that Gibbs _for sure_ would react to him, getting drunk in his house, with his bourbon. But for now he shared Gibbs opinion. He didn't care.

"Eh, turn of the fuckin light", Tony slurred, shielding his eyes with his hands.

"The hell are you doing here, DiNozzo?" Gibbs was by his side, roughly grabbing the younger agent and setting him upright.

"Ouch, careful Bossss…. I just downed some bourbon an I like t' keep it down, ya know…"

"I asked you what the fuck you are doing here?", Gibbs yelled, close from giving DiNozzo the slap of a lifetime, knowing however that it wouldn't do any good right now.

"Could ask you the same, boss", Tony said, clearer now, trying to stable himself. "Guess 's pretty late by now."

"I'm not talking private with you DiNozzo", Gibbs said, still holding his agent. "Thought I made that clear this evening"

"Sure thing, boss. I just want to…" Tony frowned, thinking about the reason for visiting Gibbs that late at night. Then he shrugged his shoulders, feeling too drunk to bother with Gibbs anymore. "Nah, gonna do that some other time. Gotta go now, night bosss…"

Taking advantage of Gibbs' moment of surprise, Tony managed to get himself up, and tumbled through the hallway, barely making it outside, before Gibbs had caught up to him, grabing his shoulders.

"Where the hell you think you're going?"

Tony turned around, too fast. Gibbs garden, the house and Gibbs himself began to shake violently until Tony lost the ground beneath his feet and sank down. He hit his knees hard on the stairs that led towards Gibbs' front door, before bending over in a violent manner of throwing up.

"Shit", Gibbs cussed before kneeling next to his agent, making sure he didn't suffocate while throwing up the alcohol he drank before.

"You're done now, DiNozzo?" Gibbs firmly lifted Tony up, once his agent had stopped vomiting.

"Sure thing, boss." Tony stood up, shaking off Gibbs' hands that were holding his shoulders.

"Feeling better?"

"Fine", Tony snapped, not willing to allow Gibbs to be nice right now. He was still pissed.

"Wanna tell me why you drank my bourbon and puked onto my lawn?" Good, Gibbs wasn't nice, just a bastard.

"Well, yeah –", Tony began, but Gibbs interrupted him.

"Inside. Don't want the neighbors waking up to you whining."

Tony opened his mouth, but Gibbs had already taken advantage of his alcohol induced mind and shoved him inside, before Tony could even react.

"You're a bastard", Tony spilled, after he processed what Gibbs had just said. "I'm not whining. And don't tell me you fucking care about your neighbors, since all you care about is your giant ego."

"Sit", Gibbs pointed to the couch Tony had slept on before.

"I'm not sitting down, Gibbs." Tony finally managed to face Gibbs. "I'm fed up with all your fucking amends and rules and what-else shit you give me. I've taken it all, right? I worked my hours, and I worked longer. I never complained when you called me in on weekends, when you decided over my head where I would go next, be it Columbia or Italy. I took over your place when you left and obeyed to your lead once more when you returned from Mexico, without even telling me or acknowledging the work I've done. I did everything you could've possibly made me do and I never expected anything in return. I'm done, Gibbs."

"You're drunk." Gibbs stated calmly, as if that would explain Tony's rage.

"Yah, so? Don't tell me you're not every time you're hiding in your basement, listening to tapes of Kelly playing the piano, building those fucking boats that carry her name and probably bawling your eyes out over what could've. But-"

The slap was not unexpected but hard, and Tony stumbled, a look of shock and somehow satisfaction ghosting through his eyes before he fell backwards onto the couch.

Gibbs closed his eyes in regret. _Shit_. He knew the moment he saw Tony lying on his couch that something was wrong with him, that there was something on his agent's mind that he desperately needed to talk about. And he needed Gibbs to help him cope with whatever it was. Slapping Tony, even though he performed this act on a regular basis, was not what the agent needed now. _Marine, you screwed up. Big times._

Gibbs sighed. "Tony, I'm so-"

"Two things Marine", Tony gulped before standing up, obviously shaking now. "Never apologize and don't fucking call me Tony just to be somewhat personal again."

"I- Tony"

"Fuck off"

"Tony-"

"Oh, you know why I actually came over tonight? To give you this." And he threw his badge and gun onto the ground, in front of Gibbs' feet. "Thought I'll see what your reaction's gonna be, but I got it without asking for it. I'm done Gibbs, I really am. Continue building those boats and mourn everyone you failed to protect, Shannon, Kelly, Jenny, Kate, the list is long."

With that, Tony turned around.

"What about you stop pretending now, DiNozzo.", Gibbs voice was sharp, holding Tony back once more.

"What-"

"What about you just telling me why you really disgust my "protectiveness", the way I still mourn my girls."

Tony snored. "No fucking clue what you mean"

"Yah?", Gibbs laughed, a short, joyless sound "So you're not telling me you wished your dad would've ever cared that way for you?"

Gibbs knew it was unfair and he knew he hurt Tony further, but piercing the nerve was the only way to get to Tony, to have him open up. They were similar in that way, Gibbs thought bitterly. And he knew Tony had a reason to come over that night, a reason other than him being a total bastard the entire day.

"Why are you here, Tony?"

Tony felt captured once more. The walls seemed to come closer, he needed to get away. He should've never come here, should've just went home to another sleepless night. Should have, would have, but simply couldn't.

"I… well, because … you're… I wanted to quit."

"We both know you could've done that at NCIS. Over my head. You don't need my permission for that."

"Wasn't asking for it", Tony mumbled, sweat building on his forehead.

"Then why are you here?", Gibbs repeated, more insisting this time.

Tony knew there was no escape. His breath quickened and once more the room began to tumble. Gibbs noticed the shift in Tony's breathing, the shiver that worked his body and he was by Tony's side, when his knees gave in. He managed to drag his agent to the downstairs bathroom and held his head firm over the toilet, before Tony began throwing up again. Gibbs felt the need to rub his back and to assure Tony that it was all going to be okay, but he knew that this gesture of comfort would only embarrass the younger man further. Instead he stood up and grabbed some paper towels and a glass of water from the kitchen, before handing them over to Tony, who was now leaning against the tiled wall, sweating, his eyes watering.

Tony took the offered goods without a word. He thought about getting up and leaving Gibbs' house for good this time, but he couldn't. His legs didn't follow his command and he feared the nausea would overcome him once more. He really shouldn't have come here. Why was he here anyway? _You're an idiot Anthony DiNozzo. You just screwed up the last remaining bit of a life you had left. You got drunk in your boss' house, with his beverages and you fucking puked on his lawn. Hell, you were suicidal enough to mentioned Shannon and Kelly. You're so dead, Anthony. This time Gibbs will keep his promise and kill you for good. _

Tony smiled, without him even noticing. Maybe this wasn't such a bad idea. Even though his status as a senior NCIS agent prevented him from seriously indulging the idea of suicide – hell they all lived with the possibility of biting the dust every single day – he wasn't averse to _not being_ anymore. It must be peaceful and totally relaxed when one _was_ not. Like the foam the Little Mermaid turned into after she failed in her attempt to murder the prince she dearly loved. Soft, calm, peaceful foam, dancing on the ocean's surface. His smiled faded. He remembered how she used to read him that story. Every night she sat down on the side of his bed, tucked him in, and then opened the old story book that was hers since she was a little child. There were no pictures in it, so it was up to Tony to imagine the Little Mermaid's long curly hair, her shimmering fish-tail and her soft, beautiful features. When she passed away, Tony didn't cry during her funeral and while everyone, including his father, thought he might just be too small to understand what had just happened, Tony knew that he would never see his mother again. But she was not lying in the black casket that was slowly sinking into the ground, no. In his imagination, she was dancing on top of the waves, joyful, happy and free…

"Hey, DiNozzo, you're still with me?"

Tony twitched, nearly dropping the cup of water. "Sure thing, boss", he murmured without looking up. _Stay focused, Anthony._

"Finish that water", Gibbs demanded and as usually, Tony simply had to obey. He gulped down the water, then set the cup down next to him, still not looking up.

"You're able to stand up?"

"'m fine" Tony answered automatically.

"Yeah", Gibbs laughed dryly. "I can see that" He grabbed Tony by his shoulders, pulling the younger man upright. Tony noticed dizziness conquering his brain and nausea rising once more.

"Gibbs I-"

"Slow, DiNozzo. Just lean on me and we'll get you to the living room."

As much as Tony hated the situation he had maneuvered himself into, there was no way he could refuse Gibbs' offer. It was embarrassing, but he felt so tired, so exhausted, that all he was capable of doing was leaning onto the older agent, and letting himself get carried into the living room, back onto the couch where the whole thing had started earlier. Tony closed his eyes but before he dozed off into a comforting slumber, he knew for sure that their pressing talk was only postponed, not canceled.

Chapter 3 is in the making, try to upload it in the next couple of days. l

Hope you enjoyed :)


	3. Chapter 3

And here we go again. Thank you so much for the reviews, I really appreciate them.

And now: Enjoy :)

Tony woke up hours later with a painful throbbing head. He blinked a few times, trying to clear the mist that fogged his brain, wondering when his king sized bed had become so uncomfortable, his silk blanket so scratchy. _Right._ The memories of the previous night came back and Tony couldn't help but bury his head in his hands. _Shit._ He needed to get out of Gibbs' house, hell Gibbs' life as fast as possible, should've never been there in the first place.

Tony sat up abruptly, and regretted it immediately. His head felt as if it got ready to explode any moment and the room began to shift. Still, he needed to get away, _now_. How long did he sleep anyway? A quick look through the window told him that it was still dark outside, no sign of dawn yet. Gibbs was probably sleeping by now, or working on that boat in the basement. He could just –

"You're not thinking about leaving, are you DiNozzo?"

Tony winced, once more caught by surprise when Gibbs showed up without him noticing. Gibbs entered the living room through the adjacent kitchen, a cup of coffee in one, a glass of water in the other hand.

"Drink", he simply said, holding out the beverage for Tony to take.

"Thought you never have coffee after Midnight", Tony said, not able to stand the silence, which he knew was only the calm before the storm.

"Not unless I have a case waiting in the morning and my bed's occupied."

Tony frowned. "Who's in your bed, boss?"

"You"

Tony nodded. Yeah, he forgot, Gibbs was always sleeping on the coach, god knew why. Maybe because he couldn't stand being alone in a bed costumed for two people, or because he liked to be aware of whoever entered his house through the unlocked door.

"Sorry.", Tony replied and got ready to stand up. "Better go now, Boss."

"Told you to not think about leaving"

"Boss-"

Gibbs pulled Tony's badge out of the pocket of his shirt and held it out for Tony to see. "Thought I wasn't your boss anymore."

"Right…"

Gibbs sat down in the armchair across from Tony, slowly sipping his coffee, not saying a word. Tony waited anxiously for Gibbs to do something, anything, but he knew his boss' method of interrogation. Wait, Gibbs' wasn't seriously interrogating him, was he?

"If this is some kind of bullshit technique to get me talking, forget it", Tony blurted. "As far as I'm concerned I told you what I came here for. I'm sorry for overreacting and for" Tony moved his hand in a circulating gesture, mimicking him vomiting "And thanks for still letting me sleep here. Appreciate it." Tony nodded, as to reaffirm himself that this was really all that was to say and stood up. He was nearly through the door, when Gibbs spoke again.

"Anthony, _please_"

Tony froze. Gibbs never called him by his full first-name and he never _ever_ said please. And he sounded so, so… _Sad, admit it you coward_. Tony tried to ignore what had just happened, ignore Gibbs and his obvious plea. He couldn't stand it, he simply wanted to be _away_, not forced to think, to explain, not forced to _be_. He could've just shrugged Gibbs off, should've run and never come back, but this was Gibbs, and he said please, god-dammit.

Tony swallowed. "Gibbs I can't."

Gibbs didn't reply. Tony remained standing, not looking at Gibbs, but through the hallway door, the escape so close.

"I –" Tony heavily sucked in the air. "I – I told you why I was here. I need to quit, this is… I can't do it anymore Gibbs. It's … I can't"

"Why?"

"Well I … I don't know" Tony shook his head. That was it right, he really didn't know. "I mean, I like the job, most of the time. I like carrying a gun, impresses women a lot, you know. But I need the reassurance to know, that when I go home at night, I, we as a team, made a change. You know why I became a cop, you've seen the kid I saved in that fire. Not saying women aren't always attracted when I tell them I'm a Special Agent. You know, that badge really gets them going, well, you probably do, you were young once, too. Not saying you're old, Boss, just –"

"DiNozzo."

"Rambling. Got it, Boss." Tony sighed and ran his hand through his ruffled hair. His head hurt like hell. He turned around, trying to smile convincingly. "You don't have something like a Defibrilator, do you?"

Gibbs smiled slightly, gesturing Tony with a small nod to sit back down. Tony hesitated for a moment, then did as Gibbs had instructed.

"Aspirin?", he asked, still trying to keep smiling.

Gibbs raised his eyebrows.

"I'm not leaving, Gibbs. Just wish the hangover would."

Gibbs nodded, stood up and returned with a small pill and a bottle of water. Instead of returning to the armchair he sat on the edge of the table, across from Tony, who swallowing the aspirin, tried to suppress the panic that began to rise in his chest.

"You know", Tony began after a while. "I'm really sorry what I said about, you know, your family. I really shouldn't have said those things. It's not up to me to judge anything you do, especially not when it is … such a… such a private issue. You were … no, I was…" Tony took a deep breath. "I knew you were under a lot of pressure today, the director, secnav and it didn't help that a marine lost his wife. I just thought, or maybe hoped, that you would've learned to trust me. I always have your six, I thought I proved that. I mean, we're working together for ten years now." Tony scratched his head uncomfortably. "I just thought you'd know I always have your six, at work of course, but also … god, you simply don't need to pretend you're not hurt when you are."

Tony fixated his eyes on his knees. Here he was, honest for once. _Good boy, Anthony._ He didn't know what to expect. Gibbs never talked about his family and he wouldn't start right now. Gibbs wouldn't stop pretending everything was alright. They were too much alike in that manner, Tony thought bitterly. His father was like that as well. After his wife had passed away, Tony had never seen him mourn, never seen him looking at a picture of her, reminiscing her beauty, never seen him sheading a tear when he thought nobody was around. Hell, DiNozzo Senior barely even mentioned her afterwards and that was only to reprimand Tony. _You think your mother would like you behaving like that? You think your mother would like to see her boy cry like a baby? You think your mother would like to see you weak? Don't you want to make your mother proud, Anthony?_ Tony still had no clue if his father really didn't suffer from the passing of his mother or if he just never showed it. He had never asked him. Hell, he didn't even allow himself to mourn ever again after his father caught him hugging the book she always read to him, wishing he could be foam like the Little Mermaid, like his mother. That was the week after her funeral, when relatives and working partners of his father stopped visiting and loneliness hit him. _You think your mother raised you to be a crybaby? You are a DiNozzo, Anthony, and DiNozzo's don't show weakness._

"I know" Gibbs interrupted his thoughts.

"What?" Tony looked up, his boss' eyes fixated on him.

"I know I'm that way, DiNozzo. Never been different after my girls' death." He laughed sadly. "Hell, why you think I have three ex-wives?"

"I know", Tony murmured.

"Then why're you here?"

Tony shrugged his shoulders, not able to maintain his usual cool, his wit, but worst of all his strength. Here, in the middle of the night, in the seclusion of Gibbs living room, he couldn't hold up his masquerade anymore.

"Hey, DiNozzo", Gibbs said softly and Tony met his glance. "I know you always have my back, and I shouldn't take that for granted. I appreciate you, the work you do but I am still a bastard, and I'm not sure I can change it. People of my age…"

Tony smiled slightly. "Appreciate it, Boss. I'm sorry though you know, for screwing up your night and interfering with your private issues."

"Nah", Gibbs said "Last couple of years Mike's always been the one to kick my ass when I was too unbearable. Couple of drinks, night of talking, never liked it thought, but Mike always thought it worked."

"Mike was a good guy, boss…"

"Yeah, he was." They both went silent, reminiscing about the late friend.

"Guess Mike would've wanted someone to continue _shoving a boot up Jethro's emotionless ass_."

Tony looked up, not sure what to say. Gibbs had raised his eyebrows.

"Somewhere a question in that statement, Boss?"

"Jep. What'd you think? Ziva'll be up for that job?"

Tony snorted. "You know how she's with idioms. She'll take it literally. But you know", Tony was serious again. "I'm always up for a drink, not right now though. Won't be Mike, but I, you know, could try doing the boot-thing when necessary. Always liked your basement. Wouldn't mind visiting it from time to time"

Gibbs nodded. He didn't need to say anything, Tony understood.

"So that's really the only reason you came over here Tony?"

Tony winced. He'd just forgotten Gibbs wasn't going to let go now that they'd settled things regarding him pretending to be over Shannon and Kelly. The women he loved and lost.

"I'm fine, Boss.", he said, as convincingly as possible.

Gibbs cast a doubtful glance at Tony. "You're sure?"

Tony smiled. "Yep, just you having your loyal St. Bernard all worried and pissed."

Gibbs opened his mouth and Tony feared Gibbs wouldn't believe him, would see right through the fake smile plastered on his face, feared Gibbs already knew about the woman on the picture.

Gibbs' cellphone rang, the old-fashioned ringtone interrupting their seclusion, and Tony pulled back. Damn-it, he nearly poured out his emotions in front of Gibbs, he'd nearly _whined_. And DiNozzo's didn't do that.

"Yeah, met you in 20", Gibbs closed his phone and looked at Tony. "Got work to do, DiNozzo. Commander Johnson's just arrived at the Navy Yard."

Well, and here's work again, interrupting when we don't want it to. But no worries, our men will continue their talk :)


End file.
